Almost

             Almost
Was here and was one person
and was not.
Knew hunger and it's excess
and was too full for words.
Had he a hand in himself?
He had two that were not his;
With one he would build
With the other he would tear down.
Over his shoulder
he saw fear, on the horizon
it's likeness. A woman paused
for him on her way
nowhere and together they
made in the great darkness the
small fire that is life's decoy. - RS. Thomas

There was something quite surreal about reciting these words on the walls over-looking Suwon as the sun rose. I say surreal, but in truth it was entirely real, a beautiful way to appreciate life. Lost to the thoughts of the self, and in good company, save the weird bugs intent on feeding their blood lust. Although a city of 2 million plus, we climbed a mountain last night that made the hustle disappear, chilled out at a confucian temple/ look-out post and drank some beer and spoke about life, really refreshingly honest activity to be at in a world where honesty seems to require a trust disclaimer. Fair enough, trust issues with Rob have never been a problem, but it was interesting to hear him say that last night was the first time in a year of being here that he'd actually felt at home in Korea. In which case I feel privileged that it's taken me just a week to find a similar experience.

My mind was blown by the views, the architecture, the statues, and the aura of legacy that surrounded us. Maybe it's my naivety; new sights/sounds/textures, or maybe there really is something in this orientalism lark that I've been mulling over ever since reaching the conclusion that the occidental search for the external deity was a facile jaunt. Joseph Campbell spoke about it better than I ever could I suppose, it just kinda creeps me out. In the west folk are deliberately kept in a state of amusement so as not to dwell on thoughts of consciousness and the inner workings of the mind. Societal norms are obsessed with occupying time, and the consensus is that too much thinking time is a bad thing. Perhaps. Or perhaps it's the realisations these thoughts prompt that pose the true danger to an individual's mental stability; the ills of the species & of the self.

I've always been comfortable with the knowledge that I know nothing. For some reason my mind recalls a chat I had with a lad in Ireland about how as soon as labels are introduced, with them come limitations. It was about a poem I'd written and refused to title on the grounds of the title forming preconceptions within its audience.  About how the first sentient creature was probably the happiest as there were no external expectations. It struck me how upset he got at my argument that negated the need for labels, that strove for a pure understanding coming from an appreciation of understanding as construct. His brain was wired differently to mine, fair enough, to each their own & all that, I don't plan on creating another's reality, I've plenty enough to be going on with tending my own garden.

I've come to thinking that true happiness exists in negating other's expectations and establishing one's own truth. Weird and all as it probably seems, or maybe even really base level common sense. It just amazes me how many people spend their entire lives worrying what another thinks they should be; whether through brand advertising, peer pressure or otherwise. It's a sad aspect of life, though predominant, in what I've found in western culture, and indeed here, particularly in terms of vanity.

It's only been a week or so, but the journey has begun well. Heading out now soon to a pub that apparently houses the western contingent in this place. A walking contradiction I suppose, but if I spoke the language I'd be as happy socialising with the Koreans, probably happier. Feck knows how it's gonna go but I'm sure there are some really cool people here waiting to be met. Approached with the right attitude, life tends to balance itself. Well almost..